Love never dies. Not true love. True love is unconditional and unending. That’s the love I have for my children. My son is 22 and my daughter 20. Adults they may be, but my children they will always be. I love the love I have for them. When the rest of my life may sometimes feel lacking in value or purpose my love for my children keeps me going. I would do anything for them. My heart is in them. I hardly see them since they live their own lives a long way away from me, yet I feel them near me – within me. Only when I became a parent did I learn how to love unconditionally. It’s the best thing thing a person can do – to love someone unconditionally, and I have two such people enriching my life by affording me the luxury of loving unconditionally. Am I boasting – absolutely. My children are the two most beautiful people on the planet – at least in my eyes they are. And they always will be. Nothing in my life matters more than loving my children. That is all for now.
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Such a powerful phrase – unconditional love. It’s a guarantee which outweighs all guarantees. To be unconditionally loved is to have wealth beyond measure.
Many may claim to love unconditionally but how many of us actually have it? I believe that all good parents know what unconditional love is and practice it.
To love someone unconditionally is to say to them ‘no matter what you do or say, NOTHING will change the way I feel about you. I am and forever will be committed to protect you, support you and pour my affection on you, whatever the cost.’ And it’s in the last phrase ‘whatever the cost’ where true unconditional love is put to the test.
We can all, at the beginning of a relationship or friendship feel that this person who has entered our life warrants the very best of us because we feel so connected – maybe even soul-mates; because the new-found love we feel seems overwhelming and inextinguishable. But how soon does that love wane when the disappointments and shortcomings begin to show? How quickly does that love weaken when neglect or unfaithfulness or betrayal rear their ugly heads?
Soon we realise that the love we once thought undying and immeasurable is – after all – mortal and finite. Just as quickly as it blossomed it withers.
Children, without even earning it, inspire true unconditional love in their parents. From the moment they are born they transform the very core of a parent’s sense of belonging. In an instant, a parent knows that this little person whom they hold in their arms is deserving of their very life. Nothing will be too much for this child. Nothing this child will ever do can separate them from their parent’s love.
As time goes by the unconditional love of the parent is tested: Going without food so that the child will have shoes to wear; cancelling an evening in with friends because the child needs some TLC; giving up the tennis-club membership to pay for a school trip. For anyone else, these selfless acts would be unthinkable. No-one else is deserving of this. Not even friends who themselves have been generous towards the parent could expect so much. But this child, who has done nothing to deserve anything is nonetheless deserving because unconditional love demands it.
As they get older, children test a parent’s unconditional love even further. As they move into adolescence they become neglectful, resentful, disrespectful and sometimes even cruel towards their parents. Still, the unconditional love of the parents, wounded though they may be, will not allow them to withdraw their affection for or adoration of their child. The parent simply cannot help but to love them, no matter how they behave. They cannot abandon them even though they themselves feel abandoned by their child. No matter what the child does or feels, the parent’s love is unwavering and undiluted.
Unconditional love benefits those who receive it without requiring acknowledgment or reciprocity. It keeps going. It has it’s own source of energy. In all other relationships, love requires something back in order to keep going. It can last a while with nothing in return, but not indefinitely. Unconditional love, while longing to be returned, does not demand it. The one who loves unconditionally is capable of letting go of their needs while holding onto the one they love.
Unconditional love can itself maintain a relationship even if no love is returned. It believes the best, it perserveres and it always survives – even the roughest of storms. It will always provide whatever is needed by the one to whom it is given. It never fails to deliver.
Put quite simply: Unconditional love is to love without condition.
Florida State law is a disgrace. Mother of two, Grace Onzo is about to be thrown onto the street on Monday 1 March. That will be the last straw for her.
She is very sick and spent 10 days in hospital last month receiving life-saving emergency treatment. At one point, the doctor told her that she had as little blood inside her as a baby. She is also awaiting surgery for possible breast cancer. Apart from that, she suffers from severe asthma.
Two months ago, she had her water and electricity cut off because she couldn’t afford to pay her bills. Then she was told that as a result of having no water or electricity she was going to have her children removed from her custody and she would go to jail for negligence.
She called me in desperation when the sherrif turned up at the the door. He was arresting her and her children were going into care that very moment unless her bills were paid. I used my rent money to pay her bills. It was all I had. It was all I could do – I live 3,000 miles away in England.
While she was in the hospital, she missed her appointment with Children and Families and had her food stamps and social security cut. She has no money or car to make the 400 mile drive to re-certify. Even if she could make it, it will be 45 days before her application is reviewed.
Unless someone steps in to help her today, Grace and her two boys will be thrown into the street. The homeless shelter is full to capacity so she literally has nowhere to live.
So how can a nation which claims to be the ‘land of the free’ allow this tragedy to happen to its own citizens? How can America afford to send troops to Iraq and Afghanistan yet cannot afford to keep a mother and her two children in a home with food, electricity and running water? Why is it able to send millions of dollars of aid to Haiti to help the homeless there, yet cannot provide a few thousand dollars to help this poor woman in her home.
All her life she has been generous and kind-hearted. Now, at the time when she needs someone else to step in to help her, no-one is there. Not even her own family.
I’m appalled at America and the state of Florida for allowing this tragedy to occur. I hope someone with the ability to help Grace gets to read this and finds it in their heart to help this poor mother get back on her feet again. If she is evicted from her home, she will surely die on the streets.
If you do want to help Grace please do it today.
Grace Onzo
1419 S.E. 15TH TERRACE
CAPE CORAL
FLORIDA,
33990
USA
Tel: 239 878 1597
I know of a number of friends who have been told by doctors that they may never have children or have very little chance of having them, then years later, when they had given up all hope they suddenly find themselves expecting a child.
What happened? It certainly wasn’t modern medicine that brought about this incredible change in fortune since the doctors had written them off as prospective. One can only deduce that something in one or both of the parents had changed. Perhaps a change in lifestyle, perhaps a change in diet or attitude – something intangible. Well, that’s probably what the Chinese would tell you. They have been practicing natural fertility methods for centuries to great effect.
Now, western couples who had given up all hope are beginning to put these methods into practice too – and to great effect too. One woman who teaches these methods offers instruction in these ancient practices with the guarantee that if you do not get pregnant by following her guidelines she will give you her money back. Some women are getting pregnant within one month of trying these methods.
As the proprietor of The Happy Parent Online website which is dedicated to providing valuable resources for parents, I felt compelled to add it to the list of products we sell through our site.
If the medical profession has told you that your chances of having a baby are slim or even non-existent, take heart – there may be hope for you yet. To find out more about this amazing book go to http://thehappyparentonline.com/pregnancy-miracle/signup
It may be the best link you’ve ever clicked!
Stephen
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I admire Joshua Coleman’s principles and values. In an age where so many parents are putting their own interests before their children’s or where a misguided belief that divorce is better for their children, this man is telling us that staying for the sake of the children is better than leaving; that even an unhappy marriage is a better than no marriage at all where children are concerned.
Thank you Mr Coleman for making me feel that I’m not alone out here in believing this.
http://drjoshuacoleman.com/
My daughter turned 20 yesterday which means I have no more teenage children. I now have a 20 year old daughter and a 22 year old son. Does it make me feel old? A little – yes. Suddenly started finding myself thinking what it will feel like to be a grandfather. I’m only 45, do I really want to be that grand before I’m 50? Not particularly.
But I do know this – when my children have children of their own, their children will have great parents. Both my children have grown into very loving, kind people. They know what will be demanded of them as parents because I’ve shown them what good parenting requires. They also know that becoming a parent means that their own needs and desires will always come second to those of their children.
Good parents always put their children’s needs before their own. It’s not always possible or right to give into the needs and demands of our children, but we can always consider what their needs are and respond lovingly and considerately. Putting their needs first also means that good parents make sacrifices for their children.
I want to encourage all parents out there to think twice before saying ‘no’ or ‘maybe later’ to your children. Quite often ‘no’ could easily become a yes if you are willing to give up half an hour of your life for your child. And the ‘maybe later’ can be turned into ‘definitely now’ if you are aware of how disappointed your child will be at the dismissal of his or her request.
The upbringing of a child consists of moments. Moments which you create as a parent. Miss too many of those moments and your child’s upbringing will be incomplete. Yes, they will still grow up to be decent human beings, but there will be holes in their experience of growing up. Holes which cannot be plugged in later life.
Be a good parent to your children no matter what it costs you. Give up your moments to create new moments for them. Say ‘no’ to yourself more often than you say it to them. Embrace the pain of self-sacrifice in exchange for their joy in receiving the gifts you give them. Be sure to make their upbringing as complete as you can.
Happiness and the pursuit of it occupy our thoughts consciously and unconsciously for the whole of our lives. We spend much of our time trying to find it and the rest of the time trying to work out what it is. Some of us even get to have it.
So what is happiness in a parent? Well, as a parent I know that when my children came into my life my priorities changed. My own happiness was redefined. They made me happy simply by being in my life. They brought a renewed sense of purpose and value to my life. They brought me joy and love which I had never known before.
As they grew, my happiness grew because I could hold conversations with them that I couldn’t hold with anyone else. I could have fun like I’d never had before. I got cuddles like I never got from anyone. I got looks of affection and wonder from eyes which lit up every time they opened. My children made me happy simply by being who they were.
But there was another happiness which came from being a parent. The happiness of knowing that I was having an enormous impact on their lives. That I was helping them to develop into mature, loving and fulfilled human beings. Helping them to become independent, imaginative, purposeful, ambitious people.
My children are grown and live away now. Yet they continue to bring happiness into my life by the people that they are. I am a happy parent because my children are two of the most beautiful people I know. And because the love I share with them is the most fulfilling kind of love – it’s unconditional and immeasurable. Surely, anyone with all these treasures in their possession would consider themselves to be happy. I know I am.
It’s christmas day and I find myself asking this question: is any one day or moment special? Once lived, the day or the moment is gone. The memory of it remains but the experience is lost to the past.
My son is visiting me. He’s 22 and studying at college. I’m proud of him, not just for what he’s doing with his life, but because of the person that he is. Next week I shall be visiting my 19 year old daughter – soon to be 20. I’m proud of her too. I’m reminded that they are very much grown up; that they are independent of me. I see the people that they have become and I know that I have played no small part in helping them to become who they are.
Their time growing up was made up of many days and many moments. Most of them forgotten. Yet the value of them is all too evident. For those days and moments were the ones in which my children grew and developed. I tried as a father to make those times beautiful and precious. I endeavoured to make my children laugh, teach them right from wrong, show them affection, give them discipline, dry their tears and provide for them whatever they needed.
The people they are today has something to do with those days and moments, and I realise that even without consciously knowing at the time, those days and moments were all special. While my children have forgotten most of the memories that I as a parent have cherished all these years, I am aware that just as an artist’s brush strokes disappear into the painting while forming a part of the final work, so the days and moments I spent with my children have all contributed to forming their character.
Can one day be really special? Yes. While bringing up a child they are all special, for they are the days which prepare them for the rest of their lives. If you are a parent and are still enjoying the experience of bringing your children up, then cherish each day you spend with them. Don’t let a moment pass when you can say ‘I love you’ without saying it. Do give them the very best of you – you will not regret it. What you do for your children now will last them a lifetime. Invest in them and try to make every day a special day.
